The Enneagram: Nine Points of View and Core Motivation The Enneagram framework refers to nine points of view, also known as Types, or styles that reference a different perspective of the way people think, feel and act in relation to the world, others and themselves. It reveals more than a personality profile, as it goes into the often unconscious core motivations that lie deep within our personality, and helps us to understand why we are the way we are. While each of us have all nine motivations within us, one of these nine is more dominant and serves as the main driver for how we show up in the world. Typing, Not Stereotyping For the Enneagram to have value, it is essential that you identify your core Type/style. This is the starting point to explore and open up the possibility for change and transformation. There is a danger in using a “type-based” system in that it can be easy to stereotype people. Stereotyping implies that one fact about someone leads to making assumptions about many other characteristics. Stereotyping limits our openness and perspective. A person cannot be oversimplified and reduced to their type alone. The Enneagram should be used to inspire compassion for self and others. Deepening our understanding of the perspectives, motivations and behaviors of other Types/styles improves our curiosity, empathy and communication and reduces the likelihood to judge and dismiss other people’s approaches, points of view and styles. Motivations, not behavior One of the key differentiators of the Enneagram framework is that it explores deep-seated core motivations, not only the outwardly observable behaviors. Using the iceberg model, behaviors are visible and above the waterline, but they are driven by the deep, unconscious motivations. Individuals from different Types/styles may display similar surface behaviors while having very different core motivations. For example, two people may both demonstrate the behavior of being unstructured and late to meetings. However, with further exploration, one person might demonstrate this behavior because of the core motivation of an Enneagram Two style, saying yes to too many things, becoming overloaded because they are driven by the desire to be liked and needed. While the other person might demonstrate this same behavior because of the core motivation of an Enneagram Seven style, driven by the desire to keep things interesting and not experience the pain of a boring meeting. If you have ever wondered WHY someone does what they do, the Enneagram offers a pathway for exploring the core motivations of each Type/style. These insights can strengthen your understanding of tensions and possibilities that exist in relationships, teams, and organizations. Check out my blog series below on the Enneagram, or get in touch for coaching on how to begin the journey of moving toward your full potential. Blog Series The Enneagram: Connecting Ancient Wisdom to Global Transformation The Enneagram and Neuroscience: Growing New Neural Pathways
Nurture Gratitude If you are a regular subscriber to Vista Global communication, you received the recent blog post titled, What Is Your Life Raft In The Sea Of Pandemic Trauma? In that blog post, I shared the “Tiny Survival Guide” from The Trauma Stewardship Institute which provides 15 ways to build resilience. One of those actions is “Nurture Gratitude”. As we begin the month of November, people in the United States start to look toward the Thanksgiving holiday and what they are grateful for. This practice of nurturing gratitude can be an ongoing simple practice that strengthens our resilience on a daily basis. By asking yourself every day, “What is one thing, right now, that is going well?” AND writing that down or speaking it out loud, starts to shift the mindset that we hold in viewing the world. It builds our capacity to have empathy for others and creativity to identify pathways to a better future. In the “What I’ve Learned” Thrive Global Podcast: Adam Grant on How to Make the Most of Gratitude. Adam shares a powerful insight about gratitude. He states, “My gratitude practice has not been to experience more gratitude – it’s been to express more gratitude.” Find just one reason to be grateful right now. It can be something simple or obvious, but don’t take it for granted. You can say things like, “Thank you for keeping me safe during that accident,” or “Thank you for giving me a roof over my head.” Take a few moments to reflect on the positive portions of your life. Then, write it down or speak your gratitude out loud. Dr. Carmen Harrra, a world-renowned intuitive psychologist shared in 6 Habits for Better Mental Health, “Your mind is the precursor to your reality. Guard it, honor it, and make it a safe haven – this practice will change not only your mental health, but your future.” So how about starting today and continuing every today until the end of 2021? “What is one thing, right now, that is going well?”
What is your life raft in the sea of pandemic trauma? Since March 2020, I have had the incredible opportunity to be a team member of the Ford Global Fellowship program. Yes, that is right..as the pandemic started, the Fellowship launched with 24 Fellows from regions across the globe. As the Lead for the coaching program, there are 10 coaches from across the world that support these amazing leaders who are challenging and changing inequality. Navigating the pandemic over the last 18 months has required all of us to find new approaches to preserving our energy and well-being. Recently, the coaching team met for our first book club discussion of the book, Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Care for Others, written by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Connie Burk. As coaches, we can be the one safe space where social change leaders allow themselves to be vulnerable and express their true experiences of feeling depleted physically and emotionally. As I read this book it became very clear to me that all of humanity is currently living with some level of trauma because of the pandemic. van Dernoot Lipsky defines trauma exposure response as “the transformation that takes place within us as a result of exposure to the suffering of other living beings or the planet. The transformation can result from deliberate or inadvertent exposure, formal or informal contact, paid or volunteer work.” So what is trauma stewardship? van Dernoot Lipsky describes trauma stewardship as a daily practice through which individuals, organizations, and societies tend to the hardship, pain or trauma experienced by humans, other living beings and our planet. By developing a deeper sense of awareness needed to care for ourselves while caring for others and the world around us, we can greatly enhance our potential to work for change, ethically and with integrity, for generations to come. During our conversation, we explored how different cultures have different perspectives on what is acceptable in defining and stewarding trauma. Coaches shared approaches to self-compassion to sustain energy and resilience so that they are able to create a space of compassion for leaders. We all agreed that it is essential to engage in daily practices to center ourselves; connecting our heads, hearts and hands, creating an integrated state so that we don’t get stuck in our primitive brains where fear resides. Daily practice of moving energy flow through breathing, exercise, laughing and singing all help move us out of our primitive brain. The Trauma Stewardship Institute offers a wonderful “Tiny Survival Guide” that shares 15 easy ways to not only survive but build resilience during this period in our history. Do you have a life raft that allows you to float above water during this time of continued rough seas? If you are feeling shipwrecked or unmoored, let’s connect to discover your path toward trauma stewardship. We are all in this together.
Livestream Interview | The Helping Conversation Podcast As you may know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In years past, May passed without me giving much thought to how my mental health was. It is the start of Spring here in the upper Midwest with the flowers and trees growing exponentially every day. It always lifts my spirits as a time of renewal and possibility. And over the last two “Mays”, as humans, we have lived through incredible challenges and grief. The murder of George Floyd in May 2020 and many other traumas we have endured. The global pandemic has resulted in required isolation. All of these factors weigh heavily on the human spirit, even for those who have vibrant and robust mental health. For 2021’s Mental Health Awareness Month, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) amplified the message of “You Are Not Alone.” They focused on the healing value of connecting in safe ways, prioritizing mental health and acknowledging that it’s okay to not be okay. Now more than ever, we need to lift up ways to stay connected with our community. The most powerful way to stay connected is through conversation. During May, I was honored to be invited as a guest on Keith Greer’s “The Helping Conversation” podcast. Keith is also a certified Conversational Intelligence® coach. The Helping Conversation podcast explores conversations that “focus on supporting a person in the moment, and/or, supporting the overall growth and development of a person, group or organization.” Having conversations that build trust, increase our sense of belonging and belief that we are not alone. Click here to watch our interview with “The Helping Conversation” podcast.
Staying Connected in a Virtual World From navigating challenges to finding new career opportunities, networking plays an important role in career success. For most of us, when we think about networking, we have a vision of events that take place in person (i.e. conferences, after work happy hours, or luncheons). We had a belief that the “in-person” element was necessary to develop long-lasting professional relationships. The pandemic has challenged us to think about networking in new and creative ways. Events have been canceled or shifted to virtual platforms, which makes connecting with new colleagues a challenge. As “social distancing” restrictions continue to shift, the likelihood of in-person events appears to be in the distant future. Although the pandemic has put traditional networking opportunities on hold, there are still many ways to develop and maintain professional relationships virtually. Explore new ways of connecting. As suggested in “Thrive Global”, just because we can’t physically be connected, doesn’t mean we can’t stay socially connected! It’s easy for professional relationships to seem distant when working from home, which is why it’s important to schedule time in your calendar to connect with the people who matter most to you – both in your personal life and in your business network. Video calls, emails, and text messages are several ways to connect with one another and maintain relationships, even when we can’t physically be together. Virtual Events are the “New Normal”. Due to working from home, many of us have now transitioned from in-person meetings and events to entirely virtual gatherings. Screen time (for most of us!) is at an all-time high. Although the thought of attending another virtual event may feel exhausting or repetitive, virtual conferences are still a great way to connect with new people outside of your “circle”. When having a virtual meeting, opt for Video. For many people, building new relationships is hard without face-to-face contact. Turning on video during a virtual meeting not only allows new colleagues to put a name to a face, it also allows your coworkers to see and understand your facial expressions, which adds context when having a discussion. To reduce “zoom fatigue” you can use the “hide self-view” feature. Create your own networking events. In a Harvard Business Review article, Alisa Cohn and Dorie Clark suggest turning canceled conferences into your own private networking opportunities. Review the schedule of past conferences you would have attended. See if there is anyone (both speakers or attendees!) that you are interested in connecting with and invite them to a private networking event. Support the people in your network. As we transition into this new way of work and continue to adapt to the constantly changing ways of life, it can be hard to feel grounded. By reaching out to your colleagues, both past and present, it lets them know that you’re thinking of them. This also serves as a great opportunity to reconnect with the people who you lost contact with over the past year. Use this time to ask how others are doing, or what career shifts they have made during the pandemic.
Moving Forward – Meaningful Changes From the Pandemic In March 2020, we all watched as the world was put on “hold”. “Stay at home” orders were put into place, remote working became the new reality, and we all were forced to make adjustments in order to cope with the growing pandemic. Fast forward to today, and there seems to be a possibility of reclaiming some of the past that we considered “normal”. As vaccinations roll out across the world and countries start to relax restrictions, it provides us an opportunity to reflect on the past year and all of the changes that came with it. The Pardee School of Global Studies at Boston University, launched The World After Coronavirus Video Series, featuring more than 100 interviews with leading experts and practitioners across the world, exploring the challenges and opportunities we will face in our post-coronavirus future. As stated by Marina Khidekel at Thrive Global, “Amidst all the disruption that we’ve experienced from the COVID-19 pandemic, this time has offered us small silver linings and insights and habits that we’ll carry with us into the future.” What do we want to bring forward? What do we want to leave behind? And what do we want to reclaim from our life pre-COVID? Many people adopted new hobbies and rituals into their routines during the pandemic, some of which will continue as we begin to transition into a post-COVID world. What are some things that you began doing during COVID that you hope to continue post-pandemic? Below are some meaningful rituals to consider bringing forward. Staying connected and maintaining relationships. We have all found new ways to stay socially-connected to one another, even when physically distanced. This pandemic has reminded us all of the importance of maintaining relationships, even when miles apart. Incorporating “me” time into my daily routine. For many, the line between work/life balance has become blurred due to remote working. With constant pressure to feel like you need to be “on the clock”, it’s important to schedule “me” time in the day to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. Literally, schedule “me time” on your calendar! Daily mindfulness practice. The last year has been anything but normal, which can feel overwhelming at times. Incorporating daily mindfulness practice into your routine can help to clear your mind and prevent feelings of stress and uncertainty. This can be as simple as three deep breaths several times a day or writing down three items you have gratitude for daily. What rituals are you bringing forward? And what do you want to leave behind?
Listen to the entire Conversational Intelligence® Mini-Series Podcast! Several years ago, I took part in a 7-month course on Conversational Intelligence®, (also known as C-IQ) facilitated by Judith E. Glaser. The curriculum explored how parts of the brain influence the outcome of conversations. While attending a virtual gathering on Martin Luther King Jr. holiday this year, I had the privilege of connecting with Deb Shannon, another certified C-IQ coach. We decided to launch this mini-series podcast to offer tools to support the conversations that we are called to have during this time. We are living in an era that has rocked our foundation on so many levels: the global pandemic, racial reckoning, economic collapse, and the climate crisis. We hope you enjoy this six-part mini-series on Conversational Intelligence®! Episode 1 – Know Yourself In the first episode of the Conversational Intelligence® mini-series, Deb and I will begin with some of the foundational building blocks for having difficult conversations. Episode 2 – Three Levels of Conversation In this episode, Deb and I will discuss the three levels of conversation and how you can identify what level of conversation you are having. Then we’ll provide some tips about how to level up or level down to achieve great outcomes! Episode 3 – Conversational Agility: Reframe, Refocus, Redirect In Episode 3 of the Conversational Intelligence® mini-series, Deb and I discuss how we can get clarity about definitions and terms, in moments of uncertainty. We’ll pull back the curtain on the meaning of Double Clicking and provide concrete examples of how to ask for the deeper meaning of a word or commonly used phrases. When a meaningful conversation requires more than mutual agreement of definitions, we use conversational agility to reframe, refocus and redirect the mindset of the speaker, which opens access to different parts of the brain. Using these tools ensures that at the end of a meeting your team agrees on much more than definitions. Episode 4 – Navigating Conversational Assumptions In this episode, Deb and I discuss tools to remap relationships toward greater trust and navigate conversations with greater success. When things start to go awry in conversations it is often due to conversational assumptions. If you can become more aware of these assumptions, you will have higher-quality conversations with others. Episode 5 – Navigating Conversational Assumptions Part 2 In this episode, Deb and I discuss more tools to remap relationships toward greater trust and navigate conversations with greater success. When things start to go awry in conversations it is often due to assumptions we make from an ‘I’ mindset, rather than a ’We’ mindset. When you are more aware of your own thought processes, experiences, and assumptions, you can shift them to consider the larger picture and the result…higher quality conversations! Episode 6 – Mary & Deb’s Favorite Conversational Intelligence Tips & Tools In our final episode of the Conversational Intelligence® mini-series, Deb and I will recap some of our favorite tips and tools to put at your fingertips listeners, so that you can muster the “will” to have that next challenging conversation. “Minutes with Mary” episodes are available on the following platforms: Spotify, iTunes, Google Podcasts, iHeart Radio and Stitcher
