The fifth module of Judith E. Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence course, “Generating Conversations,” guides us to identify the patterns that lower our C-IQ and create the right environment to overcome these patterns to activate parts of the brain for co-creation of transformational conversations.
The best communicators align their intentions with their impact. While our intention is what we want to happen, our impact is the experience of the receiver. Successful communicators monitor and align the intentions and impact resulting in greater trust.
In transformational conversations, the interaction dynamic is to “share and discover” which opens us up to broader insights and wisdom than each person has individually. We ask questions to which we truly have no answers, thereby inviting others to participate in answers that are co-created. We engage with others in high levels of curiosity, candor and wonder asking provocative questions, enabling us to partner and elevate our thinking to new ideas for innovation. We reach transformational conversations through building conversational agility skills of reframing, refocusing, and redirecting.
Reframe, Refocus and Redirect
When we are in a conversational pattern that starts to feel like it isn’t working, people are in protective or positional stance, that is the signal to activate conversational agility skills. Research done by the HeartMath Institute has determined that practices that reduce the negative thought loops and fear, create the space for innovation and co-creation.
Reframing takes a difficult situation and turns it into an opportunity for finding trust and common ground with someone. You are giving the other person a mental break and creating space to think in a new way.
Example: “I am a failure because I didn’t win the contract with that big client.”
Reframe: “Yes, you didn’t win that contract but you did learn a lot about what it takes to put together a proposal for a big client and that will provide insights for the next time we go after a big project.”
Refocusing allows you to move people from a place where they are stuck and point them toward a larger topic where they can see connections that they had not seen before.
Example: “I am really frustrated that I continue to be passed over for an invitation to be on a speaker panel when I have the most experience.”
Refocus: “You really seem to care a lot about the topic, what are some other ways that you can share your expertise that would raise the visibility of your talents to the entire organization?”
Redirecting helps people move from a place of being stuck and emotionally bound, to a place where they can see new opportunities.
Example: “There is no way that I can start a new business when I am working full-time. I can’t quit my job.”
Redirect: “Sure, I understand there are risks of completely quitting your job but what can you do to move in the direction of starting your new business?”
When you notice that you or someone else is in a protective mode, being resistant or skeptical, you can use these conversational agility skills to nudge them towards a mind shift for transformational conversations.
Stay tuned for more tips to have meaningful conversations that transform leaders and organizations.
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